By Contributing Author, Janet Allison of Boys Alive!
I had the pleasure of interviewing Josh Shipp for the Rites of Passage on-line event (www.ritesofpassageevent.com) today. A troubled child and teen, he now helps parents understand teens and helps teens understand themselves. He had many great tips for parents, teachers, and anyone who works with tweens and teens. I paraphrase and add to them here… and encourage you to check out the Event recordings here: www.ritesofpassageevent.com/package.php In addition to Josh’s 90-minute interview, you’ll find other wisdom interviews, pdfs, and mp3s at great savings (until November 3rd).
TIP # 1 –
Josh says, “They have amnesia.”
Teen brains are undergoing a complete re-wiring (similar to the pruning that happened when he was 3 years old). Unused circuitry is pruned away allowing well-used circuits to continue to thrive. This means he may appear disconnected, disorganized and disinterested. Keep in mind that while he may physically appear to be nearing adulthood, he is still very much “under construction” intellectually and emotionally.
He needs YOU to remind him of his successes, his abilities, his unique gifts and qualities. And remind him again. And again. He may act like he doesn’t want to hear it but keep saying it. Talk to him in “his” language…if you haven’t learned to text him yet – you need to!
TIP #2 –
Josh says, “Every kid is one adult away from being a success story.”
A key component to supporting a child through the rites of passage journey to adulthood is the relationship with a caring, interested adult that is not mom or dad. By this age, your child must have another adult to talk with. This doesn’t happen overnight. So no matter the age of your son (or daughter), ask someone to become an active mentor in your child’s life.
TIP #3 –
Josh says, “Share your successes, sure, but share MORE of your failures.”
From a tween/teens point of view most adults look like they are successful…what they don’t see, and can’t imagine, is the challenges, failures, false starts, and downright discouragement we’ve traveled through on the way to success. Be sure to focus on the PRE-success. Let them know what the struggles were and what your strategies and resources were for overcoming them.
Josh Shipp had so many great tips for parents in our interview plus some very touching questions and answers with callers. He is a wise young man (he himself said he looks like he is 11 but is really 30!) and has plenty of “in the trenches” experience to share.
Tune in to the Rites of Passage: Skillfully Guiding Girls to Womanhood and Boys to Manhood and discover more wise guides ready to help you understand and navigate this journey with your child. And if you’ve missed some interviews, you can get the recordings here: www.ritesofpassageevent.com/package.php
Janet Allison is Founder of Boys Alive! (www.boysalive.com) and Director of the Gurian Parenting Community (www.michaelgurian.com). She is a veteran teacher and author of Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best! She helps parents and teachers understand gender differences and what boys need to be successful at home, in school, and life!
