photo by TBC PHOTO www.tbcphoto.com
I don’t spend a lot of time contemplating friends’ Facebook status updates, but a recent post kept me thinking. A long-time friend, who’s also a dad, said that his seven-year-old son encouraged him to purchase a certain outfit because it made him look skinny. Of course, on the surface, this seems like a benign observation by his child and one where the kid might simply be stating the facts. However, if you were to actually see my friend, you would understand that he is a healthy guy who is not and has never been overweight. Yet ever since we were teens, this now thirty-something male has always worried about his weight, described himself as chubby, and even resorted to taking diet pills that made his hands shake.
I am not sharing this with you to throw my friend under the bus. If I did that, I’d be a hypocrite because as a mom with a post-baby body I’m not that kind to myself either when I know I should be. Instead, I’m bring it up because we often overlook the fact that boys and men silently struggle with the same issues as girls and women, especially when it comes to weight. And while we think weight is only something tweens, teens, and adults worry about, I can see how our own insidious thoughts about our body image as parents influence our very young children’s definition of healthy weight.
This latter point is what’s really stuck with me since reading that Facebook post last week—his seven-year-old son’s concept of skinny is skewed because he’s picked up from his father that what others would consider a normal body weight is “chubby,” fat, and not good enough. There clearly is a large gap between the way they see themselves and how they actually look. That’s not good.
According to Kids Health, “Research shows that 42% of first- to third-grade girls want to be thinner, and 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. In fact, most kids with eating disorders began their disordered eating between the ages of 11 and 13.” If boys this young internalize these messages about body image, it definitely gives me pause and makes me think twice about what I casually and jokingly say about my own body because I don’t want to negatively shape my son’s perception of himself or his self-esteem. I definitely don’t want to teach him to judge himself against unattainable ideals of Hollywood, such as Ryan Gosling’s or Daniel Craig’s eight-pack abs, instead of focusing on the bigger picture of enjoying a healthy and active lifestyle.
So, how do we help boys maintain a positive body image? First, we need to recognize that most boys do not like to talk about their weight or any related insecurities because they see it as a “girl thing.” And adults often overlook any potential issues because we usually associate eating disorders with anorexia and bulimia, as opposed to over-exercising and taking supplements to build muscle mass. We need to be in tune with what our sons say and do and keep the lines of communication open with them. We also need to make sure they understand normal body development with respect to their age, as it’s often the case that boys can be smaller than girls until after puberty passes. Finally, we need to avoid negative statements about food, weight, and body size and shape—even the innocuous ones have an impact.
Interested in learning more? Here are Ten Things Parents Can Do To Help Prevent Eating Disorders from the National Eating Disorders Association.
– The Other Sarah of Salt & Nectar
