We all want our boys to be able to develop into happy individuals, and to enjoy who they are and the freedom to express that.
How does a mother do this when gender constraints for boys are as rigid as ever? Any mother would be proud of a son who is “in-touch with his feminine side” – but would you feel the same way when your son plays dress-up with dresses and enjoys playing with Barbie? Many parents would, no doubt, ask themselves the tough question of whether this behavior can signify something important and if they should address it. While, in some cases, the child is indeed communicating a strong identification to a particular gender, other times, the child may just be exploring his interests without an awareness to social constraints and gender roles.
Of course, each child is unique, and it would be up to the parents to understand their child enough to determine this difference. It’s probably safe to say that playing with “girl” toys or being interested in “girly” activities does not alone signify anything about a young boy’s sexuality or gender identity.
One man I know remembers enjoying playing with his grandmother’s clip-on earrings (and his sister’s toys) as a child; he was not making any sort of statement, and it was nothing more than an innocent game. His parents did not find any of this worthy of concern, but even when the parents are not at all worried about the issue of gender, they might still have to face the issue of the reactions of others, and how these reactions can affect their son.
But it is worth pointing out that when girls are “tomboys” and show interest in “boy” activities, it most certainly never raises eyebrows and concern the same way when boys do the same with “girl” activities. When girls are given more freedom to explore beyond what is considered “feminine”, boys are still discouraged to go beyond what is considered traditional masculine roles. When we show our sons it’s acceptable for girls to be “masculine”, but it’s not alright for boys to be “feminine”, what does that say about how we value these different traits? Do we want to tell our sons that feminine qualities are inferior to masculine ones?
