According to the American American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years. Bullying can take place in many forms: physically, verbally, and now with internet being such an integral part of socializing… cyber-bullying has also become an issue parents are concerned about. Some families may still believe in letting kids “work it out themselves”, but bullying can cause lasting and serious effects. Without healthy guidance in dealing with this issue, children who are bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even become bullies themselves.
Signs of bullying.
Often, boys can be embarrassed or scared about telling someone he is being bullied, so, unless there are visible injuries, it can be very hard for parents to know what’s going on. Other than injuries, there are other warning signs often related to bullying: missing or damaged posessions, not eating or sleeping well, avoiding certain situations (e.g. taking the bus, partaking in activities he normally enjoys), and poor performance at school or not wanting to go to school (complaints of headaches, stomachaches, etc.).
If you do suspect bullying, but your son is not comfortable telling you, you can try talking about the issue indirectly. You can use everyday situations (e.g. watching t.v. or relating personal experiences) to ask your son what and how he feels about it…and what he thinks is the best thing to do. This can lead to more questions like “Have this ever happened to you?” or “Have you seen this happen to someone?”.
When you know that bullying is going on.
As hard as it is to know that your son is being bullied, you must remember to keep your own emotions in check and not lose focus on solving the issue. Here are some points that are good to keep you on track:
- Focus on offering support and comfort. Praise your son for his bravery of disclosing the issue; children often blame themselves, so emphasize that it is not his fault. It is also important to tell him that he is not alone, and many others have faced the same problem. You can even talk about it as a family, and parents, as well as older siblings, can offer their own personal experiences.
- Learn as much as you can about the situation. Ask your son the details on the who, what, when, where, why, how. Find out if there were witnesses (other children, adults) and if your son has done anything to stop it.
- Teach your son how to respond to the bully. You can teach your son assertive, but not aggressive, behavior, and that it’s o.k. to say “No” and “Stop” – he can learn to be assertive without being physically or verbally violent. Role-playing can sometimes be very helpful.
- Contact the school. As much as your son may fight you in doing this, talking to your school’s teacher, counselor, and principle can be the best method, especially if the bullying is physical. If you are concerned about your child’s safety, you should absolutely talk to your school to determine whether the police should be involved. Many states also have their own bullying laws and policies, so it would be helpful to familiarize yourself with them. Some parents have actually faced problems with school officials ignoring the issue…if that’s the case, follow up and be persistent. Make it clear that if they don’t address it, you can definitely involve legal authorities. Directly contacting the bully’s family is almost never a good idea. If you must speak with the other family (families)involved, it is best to do so with the presence of a mediator, such as a school official.
Some other useful tips.
- Let your child know that bullying is not an acceptable behavior. If they are bullied, or see another being bullied, there is nothing wrong with getting an adult (parent, teacher, counselor) for help
- Children and teens that hang out in groups of two or more are less likely to become targets for bullying. Encourage friendships by allowing your son to invite friends over, or out, for activities.
- Help your son become involved with social activities that he enjoys, and that will boost his self-confidence. These activities can also help him develop social skills, which will make it easier for him to deal with bullying issues.
