Some days my boys seem edgy, confrontational and out-of-sorts. Sort-of like they have PMS. Then, there are days when everyone is so adorable, happy and loving that you could just squeeze them. Sunday was one of those yummy days that remind you that all of your sacrifices are worthwhile. This past Sunday, I took the boys on a quick two-hour road trip to see my cousin and her family. The drive went so smoothly. There was very little complaining and we actually had fun. We talked about all sorts of things, from school to science to music. I find that sharing a long car ride is such a great opportunity to make meaningful conversation with your child in an interruption free environment.
Reflecting on my childhood relationship with my mother, no matter what disagreements we may have encountered, at the root of our beings we knew that we were the same. At least it seemed as if she could relate to whatever situation and I assumed it was because she’s a woman like me.
Clearly, I will never share that experience with my sons. I will never know the pressure they feel from friends or even from society that are unique to boys or men. I can never claim to understand. I know that there are certain topics where Dad’s first-hand experience will be more valuable than my attempt at trying to understand will ever be. But, I’m OK with that.
That’s why I take advantage when moods are good and the opportunity for meaningful conversation is available. I want to get to know my guys well-enough that even when the topic might be skewed against them opening up to me, they might reconsider because they respect my opinion and know that I will listen.
I ask them all sorts of fun questions to get to know them, but also to let them know about me too. From who’s their favorite hockey player and why to what is your least favorite thing about being a big brother and on and on. The better you know your son, the more you might be able to anticipate his response in different situations. It’s a difficult balance we must manage as mothers. We need to be the loving mother and caregiver, but also a friend as well. Too many parents want to be either a stern parent or a buddy friend, either extreme is bad; you need to be both if you want to gain your child’s trust and respect.
As we were driving up and over the hills with the sun shining to the music of The Clash’s classic tune, Rock the Casbah, (my oldest’s new favorite song) he says, “Mommy, I love you. You’re the best mom.” I thought to myself, what more could I ask for? This makes my difficult job as mother completely worthwhile. As he goes from 8 to 15, I can only hope we will continue to have such a good relationship. I’ve seen him grow into a little smartie-pants lately, so hearing this sweet comment come from left field, made me pause and cherish the moment.
By Renee Martinez, Founder of Raising Boys World
