By Contributing Author Janet Allison of Boys Alive!
I recently sat next to a man on a plane trip – and yes, unusual in these days – we actually struck up a conversation. We talked about my work in education and gender differences and he talked about his brother who has been undergoing a bone marrow transplant and his been in ICU for five months.
This gentleman grew up in Iran and spent most – no, all, of his childhood studying math and science. That is what his father chose for him, he enjoyed it – said it was easy for him. Summer was school from 7:30-5:30 and 4 hours of homework – SEVEN days a week. He came to this country to study and has completed two PhDs – in aeronautical engineering and financial engineering. He’s made and lost millions of dollars for clients in the investment industry. He’s dined with “the rich and famous.”
And he isn’t even 40 yet.
What does this have to do with you and your son? I spoke at the Great Oak School’s Renewal of Education conference after that encounter and in Texas (as elsewhere) there is a push for more and more academics in earlier and earlier grades… at the loss of what is the WORK of childhood: PLAY.
An article last year in the Chicago Tribune commented, “With homework, testing, and full-day classes, today’s kindergarten bears a striking resemblance to first grade. Some experts call that progress, but others worry that 5-year-olds are being pushed too hard, too soon.” And what happens when BOYS are pushed “too hard, too soon”? They rebel…it may be tummy aches or headaches, or it may be angry outbursts, or it may be withdrawal… they’ll let you know that they are stressed.
Edward Miller, a senior researcher at the nonprofit Alliance for Childhood, notes that children who attended a play-based kindergarten did better in the long term than those who attended an academic kindergarten. He says, “I think the child’s innate interest in learning things gets suppressed and basically atrophies in academic kindergarten. It starts this process of burnout where they don’t learn to love learning and they don’t really enjoy school. School becomes a chore. They’re exhausted by the experience of school, even in the really early grades, and the long-term effect is that, by the third or fourth or fifth grade, they’re done. They’re really not interested anymore.”
And I could go on but you get the idea.
Waldorf Schools have known this for a long time – their philosophy is to nurture the young child through healthy play. Finland, (where their teens exceed our teens on ALL testing measures) doesn’t even begin “formal” education until age 7.
Yet, we’re at a crisis point in this country – still thinking more is better – and the sooner the better, totally disregarding what we know about child development.
In this week’s Huffington Post, Amanda Moreno writes about this crisis…and says she resisted calling the article Killing Kindergarteners and opted for the more politically correct, though slightly less descriptive: “Killing Kindergarten”. Ms. Moreno notes the “highly variable rates of development that occur in early childhood” and for boys that rate is even more variable. Boys are typically one to 1.5 years behind girls in brain development. That means our sons are even more likely to burnout before they reach third grade – and even more likely to act out their stress.
What does all this have to do with the man I met on the plane? At age-almost-40 and after months of sitting in an intensive care unit as a caregiver, he realizes how out of balance his life has been. He has few interests outside of work, thinks in probabilities and statistics, and finds it hard to turn off his brain. When I asked if he read novels, he pulled out a 3 inch thick tome on investment strategies. I encouraged him to take time to go outside in nature during his vigil. He agreed that might be nice but still would have trouble turning off his intellectual brain.
So…I asked if he ever doodled. He’d never heard of it.
At 30,000 feet, I got out my colored pencils and guided him on “how to doodle.” After minutes of quiet drawing, he said: “this is nice, this is relaxing, I’m not thinking about anything.” I gifted him my colored pencils. At age-almost-40, he has at last recognized that intellectual pursuit has created a narrow and out-of-balance life.
His most profound revelation is that in the end money/success/college degrees don’t matter – it is human relationships and our relationship with ourselves that matters. He doesn’t want to end up in an ICU all alone.
Now begins his biggest task and education of all – one that none of his math and science classes have prepared him for – creating relationships and having a family.
When you are tempted to choose academics over play for your young child remember that play IS their work…let them work at that and they will be well-prepared for the academics to come.
Janet Allison is Founder of Boys Alive! (www.boysalive.com) and Director of the Gurian Parenting Community (www.michaelgurian.com). She is a veteran teacher and author of Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best! She helps parents and teachers understand gender differences and what boys need to be successful at home, in school, and life!
Photo of Man on Plane by DJOtaku, found on Flickr
