By Contributing Author Heather Schweich of 2 Sleeping Babies
“Aedyn, stop pushing your brother!”
“Jaron, get him, sweetheart! Get Aedyn!”
Yes. That actually came out of my mouth today.
I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about actually encouraging fighting.
To be honest, in this case I look at it more as helping Jaron learn how to stand up for himself. He’s a little guy and only 18 months old. And I’m a little tired of constantly having to correct Aedyn for being rough with his little brother. Especially since I know that Jaron is fully capable of holding his own when he wants to.
Today, the boys were actually playing Star Wars and had been fighting with lightsabers. We’re still developing ground rules for that; but when Aedyn starts in a little too rough, Jaron tries to run away and that usually doesn’t end well. When he fights back, things go a lot better, and with fewer injuries, believe it or not.
When it comes to true fighting – over toys, or whose cup is whose, who’s going to use the potty first, or whatever it is that a 3 year old and an 18 month old fight about – I try and stay out of it as much as possible.
It’s not every man for himself either. I listen in and intervene for outright bullying or before someone gets really hurt, if it gets physical. I’m move to where they are and both know that I am there and paying attention.
Even at such a young age I think it’s beneficial for them to work it out on their own. If a little bit of fighting needs to take place then so be it, but usually a helpful reminder “Why don’t you ask if he wants to trade?” or “He’s not ready to trade yet, ask again in a little bit.” Takes both boys from “fighting” to fervently discussing.
It’s not odd to hear Aedyn say “But Jaron, you want this, this is fun! Here you take it.” Then when Jaron is occupied with whatever it is, Aedyn makes his escape with his prize.
It’s also not odd to hear Jaron protest strongly proclaiming that both items are now “mine.” It’s at that time that I have to remind Aedyn that he took a risk by giving Jaron the second item without Jaron’s agreement to relinquish the first.
On some levels it’s complicated and on others it’s almost too simple, but for the most part they handle it well.
And it’s to this method of handling their clashes that I attribute the fact that they clash very little. (Or maybe I’m just lucky to have 2 boys who get along unbelievably well.)
At the end of the day they’re boys. They’re going to fight. I just hope that by teaching them how to fight maybe they’ll learn what’s really worth fighting for.
About the Author: Heather Schweich is the mom of 2 precocious preschool boys, Aedyn and Jaron. She loves chasing them all over the place and walking the line between letting them be boys and keeping them from killing themselves. In between their adventures (read: when they’re asleep) you can find her blogging and maybe reacquainting herself with a too long neglected sewing machine or crochet hooks. Check out her blog 2SleepingBabies.
Photo of boys fighting by Sean Dreilinger, found on Flickr
