Taking four boys out, all under the age of 8, can be physically challenging – especially when we are all wearing winter jackets, hats, gloves… I get looks of pity, or annoyance. People are afraid that my boys will ruin their meal. This pretty much happens whenever I take all four anywhere -the grocery store, the mall, a restaurant, you name it.
One annoying thing about being the mother of four boys – other people and their stupid comments. Last week, I took the boys to a restaurant for dinner by myself. You cannot imagine the looks I get when I walk in with four boys from 8 months to 8 years.
So as we stroll in to this Greek “family” restaurant, our coats make this noise from the fabric scratching together and it draws even more attention to us. I’m juggling one hand of a 2 year-old while holding that too-heavy car seat in the other hand. I look all disheveled and the 8 and 5 year-old are talking a bit louder than they should. People stare. I know what they’re thinking, What the hell is wrong with this woman?! They don’t need to speak for me to understand. Their looks speak volumes.
And the stupid comments begin. After we sit down, a sweet-looking older lady leans over and says, “Boy, you sure have your hands full don’t you?” I ask you, is it me or are these comments annoying? Maybe it’s because these comments have such a condescending overtone to them.
So I smile and say, “actually, they’re pretty easy. It probably looks more chaotic than it is.” Why I ever bother to say this is beyond me. Then she smiles in return and the man with her chimes in, “ So I bet you were going for that girl. We have a friend who has 5 boys and then finally got that girl. You’re gonna go for five, right?” I want to say, who the hell made you God and in charge of my fertility? But instead I look at all my adorable boys and tell the man that I’m happy with my four healthy boys. If in the future I have some crazy desire to mother a daughter, I will adopt one. The conversation is over and I know this couple is worried about the peace that might be compromised by my clan sitting next to them.
These conversations annoy me to no end. I really think boys are stereotyped in our society as wild and reckless maniacs. Sure they have a lot of energy, but they are, in my opinion really much easier to raise than society thinks they are. In fact, in comparing the drama level in particular compared to friends raising girls, I’d say we are better off in that department.
There are differences, and honestly your sanity depends on how you handle your situation. Personally, I expect respect from my boys. In a restaurant for example, they know that I am not there to be miserable. Out of respect to me, I expect them to let me enjoy my meal or I can assure you that there will be consequences (i.e.. No video games the next day) Likewise, if they receive a compliment from someone while we are at the restaurant, they will be rewarded with something special (i.e.. A special treat, a 10 min bonus on their game or whatever creative thing I can come up with at the time.)
In the article, The Myth About Boys, http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1647452,00.html “Observers of the boy crisis contend that families, schools and popular culture are failing our boys, leaving them restless bundles of anxiety–misfits in the classroom and video-game junkies at home. They suffer from an epidemic of “anomie,” as Harvard psychologist William Pollack told me, adrift in a world of change without the help they need to find their way.”
In the end, that couple, came up to the boys and complemented them. They said they couldn’t believe how well-behaved they were. I smiled with delight, thinking about the adage: When you assume, you make an *#% out of “u” and “me”.
By Renee Martinez, Founder of Raising Boys World
