I received an email I want to share with you from a mother of a 20 year-old boy that has terrible regrets about her decision to send her son to kindergarten at 5 rather than waiting the following year. If you have a son with a late birthday and you’re mulling over the decision you she read on…ultimately, deciding what is best for your child, requires knowing your son’s readiness.
Dear Mothers Raising Boys,
I am the mother of a 20 year-old son who has regrets about a decision I made many years ago and how my choice has made my son’s life much harder than I think it would have been had I held him back in kindergarten. My husband doesn’t seem to relate to how or why I feel so awful about this so many years later. As the mother, I guess I take the responsibility for what I think was a bad decision.
When my son started school, he cried a lot and I just figured it was fatigue from being in an all-day kindergarten. I actually work at a childcare center, so I thought I would recognize if he was ready, so I guess I didn’t pay attention to the signs.His birthday is November 27th, the cut-off for school where we lived was December 1st.
His teacher often complained of behavioral problems, but never suggested that he was too young to be in class. At the time, his teacher was going through a difficult divorce and made no qualms about her dislike for boys.
As the years went on, the fact that he was unable to focus was always an issue for his teachers. He had speech issues until grade 2. It wasn’t until he was in middle school that I noticed that I had made a mistake. His attitude and level of maturity were not the same as his peers. He didn’t want to do work, he struggled, complaining it was too hard. Rather than focusing, he began to give up. He did what he needed to do to “get by”…but no more.
When I compared my son to his friends and the other boys who were in his class, but 1 year and 1 month older, they were on opposite ends of the spectrum. My son lacked confidence. In high school, my son found his niche in music, but his grades still suffered. Thinking I was doing the right hing, I sent my son to a private all-boys school, but unfortunately, the school had a strong athletic focus and since my son wasn’t a dedicated student, he still didn’t learn, nor did the additional expense and sacrifice pay off.
This makes me mad, I realize it’s not just my fault, but I feel like my bad decision set the wheels in motion for him to struggle. I also have a daughter and I’ve never had to deal with any of these issues with her.
If I can share one thing with your readers, it’s know your sons. Trust your instincts and keep the lines of communication open all the time.
Christine James
Palm City, FL
