Sometimes as moms we make well-meaning decisions that turn into little mistakes. As you may recall, I had placed Riley into a three hour, Friday morning Playschool. I had toured the facility, talked with the teacher in charge, and made the decision that he would benefit from this weekly play date. Hopefully this change would be for the better. Things were going well until my parents permanently moved near us a month or so later. Riley started acting up and acting out; at home and at Playschool. At first I thought it was because he now had two more disciplinary voices to get used to and he was just showing off his “muscle”.
My parents bought a great book that I highly recommend, Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child by Robert J. MacKenzie, Ed.D. The book clearly tells parents, step by step, how to effectively discipline a child that has a mind of his own. To my surprise, we were already doing most of what he counsels parents to do! The only step we were not taking was implementing timeouts which was something that the teachers did at Playschool. What magic this is! We literally only had to place Riley in a timeout a handful of times for a little over a week. He almost instantly became the angel we know him to be and he seemed to mature overnight. Now we only have to threaten a timeout and he cooperates with what we ask him to do. Our home life was becoming very harmonious, like every home should be.
But mornings at Playschool were becoming more distressing. Riley was being put in timeout, at least twice that day, every week. I was told he was violent; hitting, shoving, and striking the other kids with toys. At first I was mortified and embarrassed. Why would he exhibit such behavior there and no where else? I had long conversations with him regarding his actions and to me, he knew the difference between right and wrong and that hitting his friends was surely wrong. Then on day I got a call about 45 minutes before Playschool ended, asking me to pick him up early. It seemed he would not go into timeout for the third time that morning and was inconsolable. Three times? This seemed excessive to me!
During the weeks to come, the situation at Playschool didn’t change. Except that Riley seemed to now have permanent sinus congestion and some mornings he did not want to go. A new phrase was also on his mind: “Jack hit me and I hit Jack”. Then I realized what was going on. Jack was the head teacher’s son. And he was not the type of kid that was ever told “no”. After sitting down with Riley to get to the bottom of things, my husband and I realized that he was being taunted by Jack and only out of retaliation did he hit back. Either the teachers only saw Riley’s involvement or at the very worst, turned a blind eye to Jack’s misdeeds. This made us wonder just how serious Riley’s offenses were to warrant continual timeouts. His behavior outside of Playschool and interacting with other kids at playgrounds, for example, was the exact opposite of what was being reported back to us. His being sick all the time also threw up a red flag.
The decision to take him out of Playschool was tough. I knew he enjoyed being there, most of the time. I certainly knew I enjoyed my time away from him. But how much fun can you possibly have when you are being reprimanded all the time? My Friday mornings were no longer relaxing for me. I always hoped for a good report when I picked him up, but the timeouts always happened. So one evening I left a message for the teacher that last Friday was Riley’s last day at Playschool. The relief I felt was enormous. I also felt terrible guilt for taking away the socialization that he needed. But the fact that I never received a return phone call from the teacher made me see that I had made the right decision. To me, that showed she did not care whether he was there or not. Riley is still being a good boy at home and not being the troublemaker he was said to be. And best of all, his sickness has subsided and I am sure a lot of that had to do with his own stress that he was feeling. This was the best decision I ever made!
