By Contributing Author The Major, of Kay Nou = Our House
Recently, my five-year old figured out how jigsaw puzzles work. He now sees the logic of how so many incongruous parts can come together to form a uniform and seamless whole. Matching edges, picking out complementary interlocking pieces, and comparing differing hues of color are valuable skills that will assist him far beyond the beginner 25-piece starter puzzles. He also gains great benefit from looking at the image of Buzz Lightyear or Sponge Bob on the cover and then figuring out how each morsel fits into the “big picture.”
Recently, I found three hard, wooden puzzles in the basement. My joy in bringing them upstairs and cleaning the dust off of them was audible. They were my toys from childhood. Somehow, without realizing it, I had preserved them for more than 40 years. As I sat down on the floor to do them with my kid, a stream of memories of my own learning experiences with these puzzles (actually cut by a jigsaw in Holland) came flooding over me. It was like that magical scene in the film Amélie, when the title character finds a box of childhood mementos hidden in a wall. Amélie then searches for and successfully reunites a grumpy older man with his toys. I dare you not to cry when the man then talks to strangers about his intent to reunite with his daughter whom he hasn’t seen in years.
While puzzling with my son, I have to remind him of the rules every time:
• Turn over all the pieces before you start.
• Take care to ensure that none of the pieces fall on the floor.
• There are only four corners. So guard those pieces carefully when you find them.
• Putting away the puzzle afterward is as important as putting it together. If you don’t do it right, you’ll never have as much fun with the puzzle again.
These rules work whether we are dealing with a child’s toy, or solving the puzzles that the real world presents us as adults. When I was in the Army, a fellow officer had a huge poster of John Wayne over his desk. It was a memorable shot of Wayne in the film The Green Berets. Below the photo was the famous line from the movie: “Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.”
There is much wisdom in this. When my five-year old son fails to follow the rules, he struggles with the task and usually fails. I’m not just talking about jigsaw puzzles anymore. I hope these lessons are sinking in.
I also have older children. They deal with their own version of puzzles. Sometimes, they are successful. Other times, they forget the rules and then they struggle. At these points, I have to stop myself from chastising them – Haven’t we been over this before, kid?
The point is that they are still children. They’re still figuring out how the world works. We may allow them to try out dating. We license them to operate a car. We may even send them off to live “on their own” at centers of higher learning. But, they’re still our charges. We’re responsible for preparing them to live happy and productive lives beyond the protective shell that we call parenthood.
I’m still trying to solve my puzzles. I still struggle. At times, I forget the rules. It turns out John Wayne was right.
Last Sunday, I was working like a horse around the yard. It was one of those glorious late spring Sundays following a rainy and errand-laden Saturday. I (and several of my neighbors) had the distinct sensation that we needed to get as much yard-work in as possible in order to take advantage of this narrow window Mother Nature had afforded us.
As I mowed the lawn, I began to do a slow burn as I looked up at the gutters that were overflowing with “helicopters.” At various sections, small saplings had started to push their way skyward from the foul depths of my ancient and decrepit gutter system. I had asked my 17-year old son for help in cleaning the gutters. In fact, I had asked him several times. My wife had also asked him.
As I made passes with the lawnmower, I saw him sitting in his favorite chair continuing to play computer games. He was entirely oblivious to the significant and heavy looks that I shot in his direction through the open windows of the house. As I transitioned to weed whacking, my slow burn became hot anger.
“Why can’t he just get off his butt and do what I asked him?” I queried to the sky above. I regretted buying him the laptop computer. For a second, I regretted having him in the first place. That didn’t last long though.
It’s not that I’m lazy. I’ve done my time on a ladder wearing ladies’ gardening gloves scooping oozing decayed matter into garbage bags. It’s just that time was at a premium. That, and my realization that this lawyer is of more value to the family when he is on the ground and not up on a ladder. Facts are facts: 17-year olds are more agile, have better balance, don’t have backaches the next day, and are better able to survive small falls without lasting complications than 47-year old attorneys.
All at once, I remembered being that 17-year old sitting on the couch. It was a beautiful spring day, and I sat there watching the Yankees play the Tigers (or some other American League team). I kept wondering why my old man was working like a horse out there in the yard. He was doing it all himself. Why didn’t he just ask me for some help?
With this in mind, I resolved to ask him once more to come out and help me with the gutter cleaning. Well – not exactly. What I really did was ask my wife to get him to come out. At times, we catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Turns out Sonny Boy did a good job with the gutters. And he didn’t complain once. In the end, I was so grateful.
Turn all the pieces over before you start. Take care that none of the pieces fall on the floor. There are only four corners. So guard those pieces carefully when you find them. Putting away the puzzle afterward is as important as putting it together. If you don’t do it right, you’ll never have as much fun with the puzzle again.
The Major is an attorney and former Army officer. He and his wife (and fellow blogger) Running Girl are doing their best to raise a family of five in Western New York.
Please visit their family blog at Kay Nou = Our House
