Computers, laptops, cellphones, iphones, ipads, itouch, video games…I barely had enough time in the day before, now I find myself sacrificing other things (cleaning, cooking…ok, not really complaining) so I can have time with my technology. I noticed that I get tired of playing with trucks, cars, ninjas etc…and I find myself drifting towards my technology.
A few days ago when I was on Facebook (there’s a Mothers Raising Boys group – please join!) a friend of mine sent me a little pop-up instant message. I was on the way out to drop off my son at pre-school, but wanted to take a second to check email. Sometimes I have no self-control. So I replied to her message and 5 minutes later we were still communicating. I would have been really angry at my son if he did that. Does this happen to you?
Twitter (if you want to add me, I’m momraisingboys) is fun too. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in all this technology! But there’s something liberating about feeling connected to the world beyond your zip code, especially for parents who stay home with their children. Does it interfere with your ability to parent?
What did stay-at-home moms do before the internet? I bet there house was cleaner, and they cooked better meals, and they were better organized. But were they better parents? Did they spend more time playing and interacting with their children? I bet they were feeling a little lonely for adult interaction.
I work from home, so it’s easy for me to get sucked into all of the technology and loose track of time. I have a laptop, so the ease of moving my computer from room to room gives me Internet access whenever and wherever, regardless of what my kids are doing. When they’re watching a tv show, I’ll often sit next to them and type. When it’s warm and they’re playing outside, I’ll watch them with my computer. Am I pathetic or what?
Here’s the thing, as a girl, I played with dolls. I’m kind of tired of playing cars and trucks or with the little animals that we used to makeup stories with. When the older two boys were younger, I used to play all sorts of fun games with them or do crafts and projects. No problem. Now, I not only have less time with the addition of the younger two boys, but I have less interest.
I allow 1 hour of tv after school (after homework) and I do not allow video games everyday or for very long time periods. I encourage the boys to play with the train table, the Playmobil stuff, read, color and draw and to play outside. Only, what I’m finding is that most of the time it’s me watching them, not actively participating. My mother on the other hand, does makeup fun adventures with their toys when she plays with them. Maybe that’s why they love her so much. They get that one-on-one attention that I’m tired of giving.
Gosh, now that I have an iPhone, I could really be preoccupied! The truth is that this time with the children who are of an age to even want to play with me is very limited, as they are growing up quickly. I need to get out of my slump and re-connect with them. I know that they’ll enjoy the time with me if we play together more and I will know that I did my best to give them a fun childhood. Playing with the children is a bonding opportunity that I shouldn’t ignore.
Developmentally, children do need time playing independently, but crave time playing with parents; it makes them feel special. Role-playing kind of play, with action figures or stuffed animals, encourages creativity. I think it’s time I put the gadgets and the computer away and reconnect by playing with my children more.
By Renee Martinez, Founder of Raising Boys World
