This is a guest post by Beth Sanborn, daughter, wife, and mother to a 2 year old little boy. You can find Beth on her blog: Far From Camelot where she’s tell you “The South is my conditioning, history is what keeps my attention and Spring Training is what gets me through winter.”
I am very excited to contribute to Raising Boys World! My husband Chris and I have a 2 year old son named Riley. I waited 29 years to have him. But getting there was no picnic. That is our primary reason for keeping him an only child. I hope to be able to convey to you the ups and downs of raising an “only”. Especially an only male child! For now, I want to introduce myself and show you where I come from.
Riley (I call him RB) was the end result of many miscarriages. You can imagine the mental toll that losing children takes on a woman. I myself was the end result of a stillborn pregnancy. My parents told me, as a child, that I was perfect, so there was no need for them to have another child. Today when I talk with them about what RB has been up to, I always hear, “you never did that, you were a perfect child”. I do find it very hard to believe. I happen to remember my teen years!
Incidentally, my dad is also an only child. My grandparents were unsuccessful at having a child of their own. They adopted my dad when they were a bit farther on in life. My dad has the privilege of saying he was a “chosen” son! I’m proud that RB is a 3rd generation Only.
When it comes to me, throw out most of the stereotypes that you know about only children. I was never spoiled, in the sense that I could snap my fingers and whatever I wanted appeared. Far from it. My mom stayed at home to raise me until I started kindergarten. My dad worked in a commission-only field. Money was spent responsibly and rarely splurged. Vacations were to the beach (we lived near the Florida coast) but few and far between. Each summer mom and I would drive down to Miami and stay a few weeks with her parents. But my needs were always met. My parents always fulfilled the necessities for school, extra-curricular activities and the ever changing wardrobe of a girl!
There is a great article by Darlene Zagata at FamilyLobby.com, called “Parents and the Only Child”, which stresses the fact that each child is different. Maybe some Onlies are not perfectionists and over achievers. Maybe some are lacking in sharing skills or never found a niche in interests because of a lack of distraction by siblings. There are Only qualities that can be attributed to multiples too, such as higher expectation for firstborns. However you cut it, it all rests with the child and its environment. I never liked being the status quo and I hope RB feels the same way. If he falls outside the typical Only stereotypes, then we will know we raised another “perfect” Only child!
