Photo from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tcatcarson/2949789136/sizes/n/
A blindfold slips over the boy’s eyes as he is guided to a stump in the deep woods. The last rays of the sun touch his shoulders as the night chill descends. And then the night noises begin…and continue…and come closer…and get louder…
Throughout the cold night, the boy sits wrestling with the sometimes overwhelming urge to rip off his blindfold. But he resists. As his legs stiffen and his body shivers, his thoughts turn inward and he struggles with his hopes and fears and thoughts of the future.
As instructed, when the morning sun warms his face, he removes the blindfold, with a passing sense of pride that he hadn’t ripped it off in the night as he had wanted to many times. As he takes in the sun’s rays, his gaze clears and he sees sitting beside him, smiling gently, his father.
His father – who had sat vigil beside him through the long cold night…was there to welcome him, to be the first to greet him at the threshold of his adulthood – now with this initiation rites of passage – he is a man, a full-fledged member of the Cherokee nation.
In his article entitled, The Age of Endarkenment, Michael Ventura explains that, The tribal adults didn’t run from this moment in their children as we do; they celebrated it. They would assault their adolescents with, quite literally, holy terror; rituals that had been kept secret from the young till that moment — a secrecy kept by threat of death, so important was this “adolescent moment” to the ancients; rituals that focused upon the young all the light and darkness of their tribe’s collective psyche, all its sense of mystery, all its questions and all the stories told to both harbor and answer those questions. Their “methodology,” if you like, deserves looking at, since these societies lasted with fair stability for at least 50,000 years.
The crucial word here is “focus.” The adults had something to teach: stories, skills, magic, dances, visions, rituals. In fact, if these things were not learned well and completely, the tribe could not survive. But the adults did not splatter this material all over the young from the time of their birth, as we do. They focused and were as selective as possible in what they told and taught, and when.
And what is it that a young person needs? What qualifies as a rites of passage ritual?
According to Coming-of-Age Expert DeAnna L’am, tribal youth were given:
– Spiritual guidance from an early age, toward discovering the gift one was born to bring to their community
– Active mentors who fostered different skills in a youth, each bestowing their own gifts on their young protégé’.
– A prescribed set of challenges that will stretch a youth beyond their comfort zone, and will call them to find within them the ability to endure, overcome, and emerge triumphantly
– A tradition of Spiritual Eldering designed to pass on wisdom and knowledge from one generation to the next
– A tight knit community that is eager to collectively honor and celebrate all milestones in an individual’s life
Our society has lost sight of the wisdom of indigenous cultures. We MUST reclaim the Rites of Passage experience for the sake of ALL OF US. If not, we will continue to push youngsters into creating their own rites of passage experiences…often including violence, risky behavior, alcohol & drug abuse, and unsafe sex.
By now you may be stirred to recall your own rites of passage experience. It may have been as simple as being called a man by a stranger…it may have been as complex as binge drinking and fast cars, staying out late and rebelling against parents. Kids will make their own rites of passage and create their own community (ie gangs).
If you were lucky, you had a clear marker for this important transition and you were supported by adults and the community around you. The Rite of Passage that you may be most familiar with is the Jewish bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah for girls. Using the Jewish tradition as a guide, Michael Gurian and Rev. Tim Wright created a Rites of Passage journey for Christian boys called The Heroic Quest for Boys.
It is never too early to learn about the essential elements a rites of passage journey offers your son or daughter. It is never too soon to re-create your own rites of passage journey… in healing ourselves we can pass on a legacy of strength, community, spiritual guidance and wisdom.
I invite you to begin your journey by joining us at the first-of-its-kind online Event ~ Rites of Passage: Skillfully Guiding Girls to Womanhood and Boys to Manhood. You will be guided by many wise elders – offering you nurturance so you can, in turn, offer your son and daughter what they need to pass through this ‘eye of the needle’ and emerge as capable adults. We need them for the journey ahead!
Janet Allison is a co-host of the Rites of Passage on-line Event with DeAnna L’am. Their guests include Marianne Williamson, Michael Gurian, Susun Weed, Rev. Tim Wright PLUS you’ll have an opportunity to hear from tween and teen boys and girls – and learn what THEY would like YOU to know about what they need now. Event begins February 6, 2012
About the Author: Janet Allison, of Boys Alive!, is a teacher, speaker, and author. She graduated with a BS in Elementary Education from the University of Maine. She has studied and taught in the field of Waldorf Education extensively. She has attained a master’s level certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a set of comprehensive communication skills. Janet synthesizes her expertise and experience from diverse areas. As a parent educator, Janet knows that while parents are often overly-prepared for the arrival of baby, they are often under-prepared for the life-long task of parenting. When parents acquire foundational communication skills combined with effective language and specific strategies, they will know how to raise children who are confident and capable. With more than 15 years of classroom teaching experience, Janet shares her expertise with teachers, providing educational consulting services to individual teachers for mentoring and classroom management skills, and to schools for gender-based trainings, communication skills building, and evaluations. Drawing on her extensive training in communication skills, group dynamics, and non-verbal communication, Janet also designs and delivers trainings for business professionals. She works with specific individual and team needs. She has delivered trainings for Portland Parks Foundation, Nike, and Linn-Benton Community College. Janet is especially interested in gender intelligence and why males and females learn and communicate so differently. She has written “Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best!” a compendium of recent relevant research coupled with practical strategies. “Boys Alive!” helps parents and teachers to understand the unique learning and social needs of boys and how to create a supportive environment for them so that they can thrive. Janet has two grown daughters and lives in Portland, Oregon. She is available for speaking engagements, training sessions, and interviews. On a continuous journey to live an authentic life and to remind others of the importance of doing the same, I blog to evoke thought, feeling and action and like to throw in a little wit along the way. Afterall, I’m a sensitive smart-ass. Throughout it all, I try to keep it real and focus on the greatest joys in my life: my family and friends.
