by Contributing Author Janet Allison of Boys Alive
Right now, that day may feel far, far away and, at the risk of sounding like all those well-meaning elders when your baby was little: “That Day WILL be here before you know it.”
I know because I’m here – staring “That Day” in the eye.
I share, in hopes that you gain some perspective as you feel overwhelmed by that pile of laundry, the endless dirty dishes, and your lego-strewn living room floor.
Believe me, from where I sit, I do NOT remember any of that.
What I do remember is the first time I looked into my newborn’s eyes. Watching her take her first step. Leaving her at nursery school for the first time. (Okay, I didn’t exactly leave her, I watched her through the window for a long time and came back early to watch her some more).
And I’ve sent her off to elementary school. I’ve sent her off to high school – including a 6-month foreign exchange stay in France. I’ve sent her off to college (several times!).
And each time, I told myself, “She’s happy! She’s living her life! She’s doing it!” And each time, I told myself, “Buck up, Mom, this is what you raised her for – you wouldn’t want her home sitting on the couch, would you?”
Confession: There are days that, yes, actually, I would.
And so we come to June, 2012. College graduation – complete with Michelle Obama giving the commencement speech (lucky OSU grads!). And I’m asking myself, “Why does this feel so much more profound?” There have been many farewells over the years.
As we took a few days together at the ocean, I realized why this one is so huge – because this IS IT. No longer a teen, no longer even a young adult, now she steps into her adult life and now we are adults – together.
On that same trip, I read some of Eleanor Roosevelt’s “My Day” newspaper columns. Part of her popularity, as I learned, were her folksy newspaper columns relating her day-to-day life as a president’s wife, peace activist, and promoter of women’s rights.
She wrote these wise words about raising children on November 11, 1938:
…”to have children is, perhaps, the beginning of an education for them but it is certainly the beginning of an education for their parents.
All their young lives their parents are learning self-control, patience, a sense of values, how to respect other people’s personalities and yet not neglect teaching some things which, if they are not learned young, must be learned in later life, with far greater hardship.
When these early years are over, this type of education comes to an end. The parents think they have done all they can do in the way of home discipline and education, and a new phase of mutual education begins.
Parents then find that having developed individuals, they must permit those individuals to live their own lives, to have their own experiences, to make their own decisions, sometimes to make their own mistakes.”
Our greatest pride, then, as parents, is ultimately to have “developed individuals” – not having done mountains of laundry or washed piles of dirty dishes.
In this time of transition – be it from preschool to kindergarten, kindergarten to first grade, high school to college, college to life – I wish you care for your mother-heart, and your father-heart as you witness the launch of your son or your daughter into the next phase of their INDIVIDUAL LIFE. Bravo on a job well done!
Author’s Note: My daughter Anna graduates with a degree in Public Health and is entering the Peace Corps for 27 months to serve mothers and babies in West Africa. The mother-heart does, indeed, stretch far.
About the Author: Janet Allison is Founder of Boys Alive! (www.boysalive.com) and Director of the Gurian Parenting Community (www.michaelgurian.com). She is a veteran teacher and author of Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best! She helps parents and teachers understand gender differences and what boys need to be successful at home, in school, and life!
