By Renee Martinez, Founder of Raising Boys World
My 10 year-old son has begun metamorphosing into a tween boy. I can’t help but think of him as Mr. Potato Head. He’s changing so fast, he’s growing facial hair, he’s out of proportion…but he’s still a little boy who wants to play.
Technically, the tween boys years are said to occur between 10- 14. The transformation comes complete with a little attitude, cockiness, a bit of temper and some “coolness” to boot. I’m not ready for this, so I’ve done some research for other moms who would like a “heads-up” on what to expect. Brace yourself.
During the tween years, boys are said to become more attention seeking. While they might admit to an interest in girls, they’re still more likely to want to play a game of soccer with friends than hang-out with girls. They tend to be a little shy at this point with girls they might have an interest in. With so many physical, emotional, social and intellectual changes taking place during this time, recognizing your son can be a challenge. This is an anything goes time, as there really isn’t a norm to follow, only some general ideas of what to expect during his years between 10 and 14, including:
• Anxiety about what he’s experiencing
• Growth spurts
• Interest in his body, how it works or how it looks
• Clumsiness and awkwardness due to bone growth proceeding muscle growth
• Changes in his voice
• Mood changes
• Body hair
• Broadening of shoulder muscles, development of chest muscles
• Body odor
• Pimples or facial breakouts
• Hair growth in pubic area and underarm area
• Erections or wet dreams
• An increased desire for privacy is a normal sign of maturity
The hardest part is the tendency to pull away from parents and, for the first time, turn to other adults for advice. A tween’s bond with teachers, counselors and coaches are stronger at this time than at any other.
Most boys experience a drop in grades upon entering middle or junior high school because of the change from a one-room, one-teacher situation, for the most part changing classes and dealing with various teachers. Most of the problems at this age pertain to social or organizational issues, rather than academic.
What is a parent to do? Most importantly, talk to your son. Be honest about your expectations, experiences and feelings about this period in his life. Never preach to your son, he’ll turn you off after 1 minute of preaching. Ask questions and listen to his answers. Make time to share with him. If he feels you have a connection, he’s more likely to share concerns or ask questions (though don’t expect much of this as boys at this age tend to keep more to themselves). Be a participant in his life, not an observer. Teach respect for family members, teachers and authority. Remove bad influences from your son’s life. Make breakfast, dinner, and weekends family time. Most importantly, set limits and enforce strict curfews.
About the Author: Renee Martinez is the mother of 4 boys, the founder of RaisingBoysWorld.com, www.socialmediabizsummit.com, and the president of RubyMarCom (www.rubymarcom.com), a boutique marketing communications company. Her business blog (www.lisac95.sg-host.com), provides resources on everything marketing and social media related for her active audience.
Renee is an adjunct professor at Canisius College in Buffalo, NY where she teaches social media marketing in the business school. Find Renee on Twitter at @reneemmartinez.
Photo of Mr. Potato Head by elycefeliz, found on Flickr
