I was on Facebook and just found this image, it really had an impact on me as I’m sure it does on you too.
Words can be suffocating and hurtful. Oftentimes we say things out of anger or frustration that we shouldn’t and they deeply affect our children. We’ve all been guilty of saying something we regret to someone we love, but that doesn’t make it right and it’s not a ticket to justify our harmful words. When we say things that are hurtful, we can’t take them back. We close the door to situations – not open it. What makes you think a child will feel safe and free to speak to someone who verbally abuses him or her…he won’t.
Words are powerful…children are powerless.
Sometimes we might say something and not realize it’s impact and long-term damage. As parents of boys, we aren’t exempt from having to be conscious of what we say…boys have feelings too. In fact, I would venture to say that because boys in our society are “supposed” to be tougher and stronger than girls, some parents might not realize what they say is as harmful as it is. Furthermore, culturally our society tends to raise boys to deny their feelings- which is not healthy and will likely result in adult men to have trouble in relationships.
So what is verbal abuse to you? I see it as a way that the abuser tries to control the emotions of his victim. So if a parent says to a child, “Don’t eat that because you’re going to get fat” it may not seem abusive but isn’t it just as powerful as saying, “you’re getting fat”?
According to the Abuse@Suite101.com website, “Verbal abuse includes criticism, name calling, accusations of everything from ineptitude, to infidelity, to trying to start a fight.”
Verbal abuse makes children feel powerless, irrelevant, untrusting and like an imposition to their parents. If our society has taught our sons that expressing feelings and emotions is not the role of a boy, then where do these feelings go? What happens to boys who live under the verbally abuse situations where they keep everything bottled up inside? The website, CompassionPower, has a comprehensive outline of the effects of verbal abuse on children that you might find useful.
Children learn by modeling the behaviors around them. If they are abused, they are more likely to be abusers. This ties into the topic of bullying (which I’ll save for my next post).
As parents, our job is to protect our children and prevent them from being in uncomfortable and potentially damaging situations. yes, raising children comes with a high level of stress…but if you’re having trouble handling the stress to the point where we are taking out your frustration on your children, you need to seek help. Recognize that your actions have a lasting impact and that just because you are a parent to a son doesn’t mean that they are any stronger or more able to handle verbal (or physical) abuse…nobody can be expected to endure abuse. If you’re a parent who wants to be blunt and say harmful things to your son because the it’s a tough world out there and the child will have to deal with it eventually – then think again…children should find love, compassion and safety from their parents.
Hug your kids and tell them you love them. We all have a rough day and say things we regret – try to prevent yourself from taking your frustration out on your kids – all children need the love of their parents. If you really want your sons to be strong and confident then your child needs unconditional love at home.
What are your thoughts on this issue?
