By Renee Martinez
Ever wonder why your little boy would pick up anything – a hockey stick, a remote control, a spoon, and pretend to shoot it as if it were a gun? Why is he constantly acting out fantasies of beating and killing someone? These are common themes in boy play, and it makes parents sometimes wonder whether this kind of behavior is cause for concern. Compared to girls, boys tend to act out more violent fantasies and be more physical during play, which sometimes leads to them being tagged as “aggressive” and “trouble-makers”. As disturbing as some of these violent fantasies and behaviors may be, parents and teachers should know that aggressive play does not necessarily mean an violent child.
Young boys see things in competitive terms and often play games that revolve around power and dominance – which often gets misinterpreted as aggressive play. There is no need to jump in and try to work things out for them and “make it fair” – unless, of course, if someone is being harmed. Keep in mind that a behavior that might feel threatening and aggressive to one child, might actually be intended as playful by another. When this happens, Jane Katch, a teacher and author of Under Deadman’s Skin, Discovering the Meaning of Children’s Violent Play, suggests talking about it with the boys. She uses this as an opportunity to teach empathy, by showing boys how another person’s experience may be different than his own.
Other than being competitive, every boy fantasizes about being the hero or savior when they are shooting, axing, punching out (this list can go on much longer) their imaginary foes. Some parents find this behavior disturbing and want to teach their boys to refrain from these violent fantasies. To put a spin on it, just as some children sing a lullaby and tuck their stuffed toys into bed to express their nurturing side, boys engage in these fantasies to express their protective side. “If a boy is playing a game about super heroes, you might see it as violent. But the way he sees it, he’s making the world safe from the bad guys.” says Jane Katch. In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson points out that if you ask a young boy to list 5 things they would want to be when they grow up, most boys would name at least one protective role, something along the lines of superhero, soldier, or policeman/fireman. If the sight of your son running around the house pretend-shooting at people still troubles you, you can talk to him about it and set your own household rules. Tell him that you think it’s great he is having so much fun with his imagination but, since shooting at real people (i.e. yourself, siblings, guests…etc.) may hurt their feelings, you would like for him to keep his targets imaginary or their playmates, as long as they are also enjoying the game.
About the Author: Renee Martinez consults and speaks professionally on social media marketing, integrated marketing communications, public relations and branding. She is the president of Ruby Marketing Communications (www.rubymarcom.com), a boutique marketing communications company that specializes in providing branding, social media strategy and integration, and creative services. Her blog (www.lisac95.sg-host.com), provides resources on everything marketing and social media for her active audience.
Renee has contributed as a featured monthly columnist in the monthly jewelry industry publication, JCK on matters related to internet marketing as well as in InStore Magazine as a featured blogger where she writes about developing effective marketing strategies for the jewelry industry using social media. She is the founder of: Social Media Biz Summit (www.socialmediabizsummit.com), the first large-scale SM conference to come to Buffalo, NY; #jewelrychat, a weekly twitter chat for the jewelry industry and www.RaisingBoysWorld.com. Renee teaches social marketing courses at Canisius College in Buffalo, NY for the business school as well as offers small group social media marketing training and educational seminars for businesses in Western New York and beyond.
Renee has dabbled in internet marketing arena since the early 90′s and is not ashamed to call herself a “marketing geek”. From chatting in AOL, “sharing” music on Napster, and teaching HTML classes before it was considered “cool” to developing comprehensive social media strategies, effective public relations campaigns and managing online communities (most recently Chevy Girls Buffalo).
She enjoys being able to help people find their voice online and to create buzz about their product or service that will give them the results they desire. Renee can be found on Twitter (@reneemmartinez) and Facebook (http:/www.facebook.com/RubyMarCom).
