I don’t really think of my almost 10 year old as being a negative guy. He’s actually pretty peppy and upbeat. What I’ve noticed however, is that lately, when things don’t go his way, he gets really bitter. He’s 10 and after talking to some friends, I understand this is pretty typical of kids his age.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:
Today, my mom had planned to have the 2 older boys over for the night. They had planned on a movie and a sleepover. The boys were sooo excited – they’d been talking about it all day. Unfortunately, my mother has been suffering with terrible back pain – sciatic nerve problems – when it hurts it leaves her in bed. Today she had pain and couldn’t have the boys over. When I told the boys of the news, my oldest son was really upset. He told me – “it’s not fair! Grandma likes the younger guys better and never wants to do anything with us!”
That statement is the farthest from the truth he could have travelled. She adores all of the boys.
I explained the situation and he eventually understood, but it was so sad on so many levels to me. I really don’t want a self-centered, self-absorbed kid. He helps out willingly at home, he’s kind, he opens doors for people and says thank you. Yet, the above situation – more importantly his reaction – was all about him and how he felt it was unfair verses about being concerned about Grandma – as I would have expected – or hoped. I know he’s just a young boy, but these are important marks in his development and I want a guy who cares about more than just himself. Is this too much to ask?
Whether it’s how much of an item I give to one son compared to what I gave to him, or more recently the big complaint is that #2 never gets yelled at and #1 feels like he’s always in trouble. Again, this is not true. In fact, #2 is more often getting singled out for bad behavior than #1 – but in the oldest’s mind – things are just not fair.
I get really frustrated with this because I really do try to be fair – and if nothing else, #1 always gets a little more special treatment, because he’s older and he helps me so much. I tell him – nothing is really ever fair in life- you just have to make the best with what happens and hope for the best. Life is short and not worth stressing out – it’s meant to be enjoyed.
