By Renee Martinez
Photo from: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/where-is-my-mommy-mary-kilgore/1114509650
“The United Sates Census Bureau statistics reveal that more than a quarter of America’s children now live in households with one parent, relative, or forster parent.” Mary Kilgore, Mitchell Kilgore, Where Is My Mommy?
Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore are clinical social workers who wrote Where Is My Mommy? – a children’s book for those who have children, or work with children, struggling because of a loss of a caretaker, whether it is because of a removal from home, divorce, incarceration, deployment, death, or desertion.
The authors remind us that children do not have the cognitive ability to understand the loss of a parent until around age 6, so young children tend to suffer greatly from confusion, frustration, anxieties, without knowing how to communicate these emotions. The book is written for children between the ages of 4 and 10, who may have questions about the absence or loss of a parent.
The story follows Zack, a young boy, struggling with his mother’s abandonment. His favorite toy, Soldier Joe, asks him about the feelings and questions that are difficult for him to tell anyone else, and helps him identify the many emotions he has. This is helpful for children who may have questions they don’t know how to ask; the book helps trigger and lead these difficult questions and answers. Also worth pointing out, the authors do emphasize that the child’s caretaker is him/herself dealing with their own grief and loss, and that these leads are valuable in opening the door to discussion for both the parent and the child.
The story also identifies different emotions for the child, and what they mean, like sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, disappointment, etc., and how to verbalize them – e.g. “I feel sad because mommy is gone and I can’t make her come back.” Soldier Joe also asked Zack to look at all the other children he knew, and identify what kinds of emotions they may be going through, why, and emphasizing with them. One emotion that is emphasized is the fear of abandonment. “Abandonment by a parent is devastating for a youngster of any age, but especially for a young child because it ruptures the bond of basic trust” and the caretaker is most likely “being constantly tested because of the child’s fear: You will leave me, too.” The book also addresses this by teaching the caretaker how to preserve trust, in a language the child will understand.
Where Is My Mommy? offer easy to understand and follow, practical methods for a family in a time where everyone, involving the caretakers themselves, are confused, grieving, and maybe at a loss for answers. You can really see Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore’s hands-on experience as clinical social workers shine through. It is written with the focus on helping the child, but is also very helpful for the caretaker, recognizing that the whole family may be suffering and their healing is important in the child’s own healing. The book ends with a brief message for the caretaker: Ways to Help Children Experiencing Abandonment, which is a concise, practical guide in dealing with daily life issues, e.g. disciplining your child, how to teach your child to verbalize their feelings and listening to your child, building on the child’s strength, etc.
View Where Is My Mommy? Coping When A Parent Leaves (And Doesn’t Come Back) on their webpage or on Amazon.
Listen to Raising Boys World’s interview with Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore here at 10pm EST on Oct 24th, 2010.
Review written by Renee Martinez. Renee Martinez consults and speaks professionally on social media marketing, integrated marketing communications, public relations and branding. She is the president of Ruby Marketing Communications (www.rubymarcom.com), a boutique marketing communications company that specializes in providing branding, social media strategy and integration, and creative services. Her blog (www.lisac95.sg-host.com), provides resources on everything marketing and social media for her active audience.
Renee has contributed as a featured monthly columnist in the monthly jewelry industry publication, JCK on matters related to internet marketing as well as in InStore Magazine as a featured blogger where she writes about developing effective marketing strategies for the jewelry industry using social media. She is the founder of: Social Media Biz Summit (www.socialmediabizsummit.com), the first large-scale SM conference to come to Buffalo, NY; #jewelrychat, a weekly twitter chat for the jewelry industry and www.RaisingBoysWorld.com. Renee teaches social marketing courses at Canisius College in Buffalo, NY for the business school as well as offers small group social media marketing training and educational seminars for businesses in Western New York and beyond.
Renee has dabbled in internet marketing arena since the early 90′s and is not ashamed to call herself a “marketing geek”. From chatting in AOL, “sharing” music on Napster, and teaching HTML classes before it was considered “cool” to developing comprehensive social media strategies, effective public relations campaigns and managing online communities (most recently Chevy Girls Buffalo).
She enjoys being able to help people find their voice online and to create buzz about their product or service that will give them the results they desire. Renee can be found on Twitter (@reneemmartinez) and Facebook (http:/www.facebook.com/RubyMarCom).
